Stating the obvious.
Am I the only person thinking it's almost December!!??!
Like seriously, my first thought was…”Already??!!!” Followed by, “Well it might as well be December!!! Year done!!” But the truth is, I do not want it to be December. I need more time. Ideally, what I want is for the passage of time to slow down a smidge? Begging the question, then WHY would I even think “…it might as well be December!!! Year done!!”? Or give it any energy? Wishful thinking. Habit. We say things we don’t mean all the time… not fully conscious of the power of our words.
For me, and for a long time, September, being closer to the end of the year, and my being cognizant of the traditional goal setting model, felt to me, like the year was a wash. The very helpful voice in my head would chime in and say... "well you have had like 8-9 months to get whatever it was done, so it is highly unlikely you can pull off a miracle in the remaining 2-3 months of the year and achieve what you have so clearly failed to accomplish in the previous 8-9 months!! Year done!!! You might as well chill 'til next year... and start fresh then." (And you will get no argument from me - this was without doubt a defeatist approach.)
Additionally, for me, and also for a long time, the month of September merely triggered an “oh well...as we go”, sort of awareness. The marking of time, tick-tock, tick-tock; because life was happening otherwise, and rightly or wrongly at the time, I did not think or feel I had much ‘control’ over the “life” that was happening. My entire modus operandi was focused on surviving. 'Just take it one day at a time, Nix.' 'This too shall pass.' 'Get to next (day/minute/hour).' 'Just breathe.' These are examples the litany of things I would say to myself. There wasn’t much I felt I could do, so I rolled with it. I lived my life on automatic pilot. Not consciously. Without intention. Just as it came. And in that season of my life, it worked for me, it kept me sane.
Today, I look back, (as we all do from time to time), with the benefit of hindsight, on that past version of me, and sometimes I wonder if perhaps I could have chosen differently? And clearly I could have, because we all can....but at the same time, knowing me, I did ALL that I thought I could based on ALL the circumstances that existed in the moment. It is easy enough to look back and wonder...but give yourself the benefit of the doubt - you would have done all that you thought humanly possible, and for the best, at the time. I have also found that in the looking back, we do not always remember ALL the nuances, all the details that affected our decisions at that time.
I recently had a conversation with someone on the question of whether there was a sliver of a possibility that I could have thrived instead of merely survived during a particular time in my life. She offered that based on her cursory understanding of what was going on then...survival was the only option. In terms of the seasons of life, I was in winter, and the ground was hard. Thriving was not an option. All that would have been available for any sprout of life was survival. Survive in order for there to be a today. This me Now. (#grateful)
Taking a moment here, to pause and thank that past and younger version of me who withstood the initial impact and the subsequent curve balls AND kept it moving. Acknowledging there would be no me, no this, no hindsight, no now, without her courage and her bravery, her strength and her perseverance. It is easy to forget. There was no manual and I did the best I could. For the most part we all do. And shout out to the friend who invited me to stop, and take a minute to really see that younger version of me, and thank that me properly for all she did to get this me to here. (#grateful)
But I digress. All of this to say, it is beyond easy for me to slip into my past habits. And it’s also easy for me to whip myself into … a frenzy of guilt. God knows I have a library of excuses. There are versions of me who in the past would have said / thought to self - "Oh well…year done. Will start fresh in January", and although, I appreciate there were other factors at play, that particular approach to life is not conducive for the season of life I am currently in.
The patterns which worked in that season of my life do not support me now. The result being I have to be more focused at developing the muscle and being consistent with it.
At the time of writing there were over 100 days left in the year. 2023 was not out for the count. There was still time. I asked myself what could I do with the approximately three months remaining which would feel like a win for me, and allow me to feel I had finished 2023 strong? What could I do? What could I do with 100 days? Who did I have to be?
I decided to tackle three things. Three things that I could measure my progress in three months. I have always been drawn to the idea of my mind, my body, and my soul, therefore, I picked three things - one in each area that I could and would commit to.
Elevating my mind. What can I learn? What’s a take away? How can I grow? I like to read. I picked 4 non-fiction books to read, and a methodology to keep me accountable.
Moving my body...daily. What could I do? Combined with active appreciation for all that my body does for me on a daily basis. I identified 3 monthly challenges.
Nourishing my soul. Doing something no matter how small which makes me feel alive, and tapping into gratitude for this gift of my life.
And so began my journey to finishing 2023.
I also decided I would revisit these three areas in December, celebrate and set up the next 90 days for the first quarter of 2024.
We are a few weeks in, and it has been hit or miss, but as I have been doing this year, I am giving myself grace.
What are you doing for you with the remaining months of the year?
with love, and in gratitude
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