It’s 2020. The world was quiet. I could hear myself think. Finally. While the entire process is a journey, I would like to think something changed for me in 2020…and a new chapter in my journey began.  A voice whispered…."You are the master of your fate…"

I disappeared for a few months. It was not intentional.  I did not plan not to show up, not to continue to write my blog, not to do all the things. And it would be easy to blame life and times. But to be honest, life was relatively good. Sure there was stuff in the day to the day that was going on, but it was nothing really big in the grand scheme of things. I have done big.   This was not that.  And I am extremely grateful.  It was more me finding my feet...yet again.  Learning it will probably happen again but hopefully, I will show up regardless.  

Stating the obvious.  

Am I the only person thinking it's almost December!!??!  

I cannot emphasize enough… remember who they were, and be present with who they are. And that will guide you in how best to proceed. It’s sometimes hit or miss. For example:  Did they conduct meetings?  Were they into event planning?  Food presentation?  A nurse?  Who were they, at their core?  Who did they spend their life being?  The role they played at the height of, or for most of their life? This is the 'who' I interacted with in the beginning to get to the end result I desired, while at the same time being present with who they are.

In my experience, dementia is not 100% memory loss. It’s processing that doesn’t gel with who the person living with dementia (PLWD) was, or is, as far as you can tell.

All dementias are not the same. But when I asked for an explanation as to why if the PLWD is diagnosed with say, vascular dementia, why were they also presenting with features primarily associated with levy bodies? The overwhelming response seemed to be there is the main (causative) one and then features of some of the others.

Dementia is defined by the National Institute on Aging (www.nia.nih.gov) as the loss of cognitive functioning — thinking, remembering, and reasoning — to such an extent that it interferes with a person's daily life and activities.

There are several types of dementia, of which Alzheimer's is one.

Disclaimer:  What follows is not medical advice.  Just one person’s musings on her experience of the journey…namely mine, of parents living with dementia.  In my case, versions of dementia…not Alzheimer’s.

(More on my musing from the previous post)

At the end of the day ... if it is all a choice, and one can choose to be untethered, adrift, or…not?  Because we all get to choose. 

Do you ever feel untethered? adrift? unclear? lacking focus? devoid of direction?

This has been me, at times this year, for a few weeks, well… months, if I am being completely honest. And while I have been sitting with it - the perfectionist in me judges myself on whether I am even doing that, sitting with it, correctly.  The hope being that the still quiet voice within that says ‘there is no right way’, is not my ego, disguised as some higher being, soothing myself for being adrift.

It feels like it was just the end of last month.  And at the end of February, it felt that way too...'wait we were just in January...the year had just started'.   Time passes. Like, it is once again the end of the month and I am bewildered, truly, at the passing of time, and my mind does this thing, and the voices in my head start a silly conversation about time:  Where did it go?  What did I do?  Have I finished anything I said I would at the beginning of the month, the year?  

When you get to the end of your life, and if you are one of the ‘lucky’ ones that are able to remember the past and how it played out, will it be an “oh that was nice, I have fond memories sort of deal?”